


Ease Me

by chikkie



Category: South Park
Genre: :)), Angst with a Happy Ending, Cheating, Craig smokes a lot, Crenny, Cryde [One-Sided], Drunkenness, F/M, Fluff, Homophobic Language, I hope?, I love writing Cartmans insults, I mean a LOT a LOT, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Instagram, M/M, Multi, NOT craig and kenny tho, Not Beta Read, One-Sided Attraction, Past Relationship(s), Past creek, Platonic Relationships, Slow Burn, Social Media, Style if you squint, Swearing, Texting, Underage Drinking, enjoy, past craig/tweek, they wont ever cheat thats a no-no
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:21:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26247835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chikkie/pseuds/chikkie
Summary: At the ripe age of sixteen, Craig suddenly realises he isn't happy.He's sick of his friends; his family; his school life; he's especially sick of Cartman. The last time he actually felt happy was when he was dating Tweek, and that was three years ago.But when a stubbornly charming blonde and his orange parka force themself into Craig's life, he realises that maybe, he doesn't have to suffer alone. Maybe.
Relationships: Kenny McCormick/Craig Tucker, Kyle Broflovski/Stan Marsh, Stan Marsh/Wendy Testaburger, Token Black/Wendy Testaburger, minor;
Comments: 20
Kudos: 66





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> hey! welcome to the story! if you're here from tumblr, then thank you! it makes me happy knowing that i have such kind followers :) if not, then i'm freya [chikkie]. enjoy the story :))
> 
> by the way, every chapter will have some song lyrics either incorporated into it or at the start. i only chose songs I genuinely like, so feel free to check them all out

Every time I look into your eyes I see it  
You're all I need  
Every time I get a bit inside I feel it  
Ooh, who could've thought I'd get you  
 _→ Daniel Ceaser_

✧✬✧

Craig fiddled with his blue chullo, tugging at the cloth beside his face. Blue threads caught around his nails, breaking loose after every tug. Craig couldn't remember when the habit started, had he learnt it from Tweek? Either way, it had stuck. It was definitely a healthier alternative to his chainsmoking, but Craig still missed the calming sensation of blowing out cigarette smoke after a stressful day.

"You there?"

Craig looked back up, staring blankly at his companion. Had Tweek always been here? The brunette paused, finally registering his surroundings. 

"Craig?" 

"Oh-- Sorry. I kinda zoned out there." 

Tweek laughed, stepping back to where Craig stood, "Obviously. It feels like you barely pay attention anymore,"

"Sorry, Babe. I didn't get a lot of sleep last night." he tried to smile down at Tweek, but he was already facing away, pulling Craig forward.

The pair continued down the street, passing by the oh-so-familiar homes of their classmates. Craig watched as Bebe and Wendy hurried out onto the yard, phones out as they photographed a wild passing deer.

Tweek must have noticed, because he turned back to Craig and said, "Did you hear about, _Nnh_ , Wendy and Stan?"

Craig scoffed, "About a thousand times. I had to listen to Clyde drone on about 'who dumped who' last week for our entire lunch break."

"Not that! Their back together!"

"Again?" groaned Craig, "Fuck. Clyde's gonna freak when he finds out,"

They passed the girls, quickly approaching Craig's house in the distance. "I think it's funny how invested Clyde is in everyone's drama,"

"It's only because he needs an excuse to talk to Bebe,"

"It's kinda cute," offered Tweek. Craig simply raised an eyebrow at him.

"I can't believe they're back together, though. What is this, the fifth time?"

"More like, _Nnh_ , hundredth."

"It's 'cause Stan's back in Bebe's good books." Craig snorted, "Ever since he joined the football team and Kyle became point guard them and their entire dickwad group have suddenly become the school's golden boys."

Tweek huffed, "I guess."

They continued in silence; their joint hands swinging beside them as they walked. When they finally reached the familiar beige house, Tweek let go of Craig's hand and followed him up to his doorstep.

"I'll see you tomorrow," Craig smiled and leaned in to kiss his beau, but Tweek looked away, forcing it onto his cheek. Craig wavered, his smile breaking ever so slightly, "Everything ok?"

Tweek shook his head, "It's nothing."

Craig stepped forward. Softly, he placed a hand on Tweeks cheek, "You can tell me. What's wrong?"

He stared into Tweeks eyes, hoping to indicate just how much he cared about him. Finally, Tweek smiled. He reached a hand up and placed it tenderly over Craigs.

"I, _Nnh_ , think we should break up."

Craig's hand fell to his side. His once smiling face now contorted into a gruesome hybrid of shock and sadness. Immediately, Tweek began violently twitching, his shaky hands reaching out to Craigs fallen one.

"Craig?"

Tweeks words became jumbled. Craig felt as if the world around him had come to a screeching halt. Almost as if God had jokingly pulled out a remote and clicked 'mute'. When Craig looked back up at the once love of his life, he could barely see him. Tweeks edges were blurred, Craig's entire vision becoming hazy.

Where was he again? What was going on? He-- He was with Tweek, right? Everything was ok when he was with Tweek. So why was he so sad? 

"I just don't think this relationship is going anywhere! I mean-- I love you! I always will! But I just-- I don't know! We're just thirteen! Craig, you understand, right? You know I jus-"

Oh yeah. His life was over. 

Bile rose up Craig's throat. Fuck, he was going to be sick. He had to get out of here.

"Craig? Craig, are you ok?"

His arms felt as if they weighed the same as Cartman. When he tried to step back his legs haphazardly wobbled. Craig tried to move, but felt his legs nearly give out beneath him.

He could hear Tweek swearing in front of him. Craig so desperately wanted to reach out and comfort him, but that wasn't his place anymore.

He wasn't Tweeks boyfriend anymore.

Craig glanced over at Bebe's yard, and felt his face grow hot when he noticed the girls staring directly at him. He needed to go. Now.

"I'm sorry."

"Craig, wait--"

The boy fell backwards, shooting back up the second he and the floor made contact. With his arms finally willing to cooperate, Craig reached out and slammed the door shut, collapsing against it.

"Craig? Craig, _Nnh_ , please? I'm sorry-- I just-- _Craig_ , come on!"

He stayed silent, slowly crumbling to the ground. His hands balled into fists, pushing against his eyes as if they could punch the tears away. That's what he always did, right? Flip and punch his problems away. It was how he always dealt with things.

The small voice in his head mocked him: You can't punch this away.

Craig refused to breathe, fearing that even a single breath could threaten to open the dam and release the tears he tried so hard to prevent.

When he finally heard Tweek leave, Craig let himself relax. He unfurled his hands, taking a shaky breath as he forced himself back up. It took a while for his eyes to adjust, now swollen from holding the waterworks back for so long. Strangely, when he looked around, Craig nearly didn't recognise where he was. His living room felt strange, empty. Something was missing. 

_"Craig!"_

He turned around, a smile forming on his face at the sight of Tweek draped over the couch.

_"I'm finally back! I'm gonna kill my parents the next time they try send me to some 'Wilderness-Awareness' camp again; I missed you."_

The memory faded away as Craig left upstairs, the past summer echoing around the house. A wounded Tweek waited for Craig at the top of the stairs, eyes brimming with tears.

_"I can't find the bandages!"_

At the sight of him standing, Craig ran up. Instantly hovering over Tweek, "I thought I told you to stay in bed?"

_"I started stressing about blood loss and wanted to patch up my leg! God damnit Craig-- I don't wanna die!"_

Craig blinked, and Tweek was gone. He looked around, realising he stood frozen in front of his bathroom. Jesus Craig. Chill out.

He stumbled towards his room, stopping only to pet Stripe Junior.

_"Craig?"_

He turned away and flopped onto his bed, pulling a pillow over his face.

_"Craig?"_

"Shut up."

" _I think I love you."_

"SHUT UP!" Craig threw the pillow across the room, watching it hit the side of his desk, knocking papers and pens onto the floor. Guilt seeped into him at the sight of a startled Stripe, burrowing himself deeper into his straw ground. When he looked back, his bed glared at him, eerily empty. Tweek hadn't been there, he wouldn't ever be there again.

"Fuck."

Craig reached over and picked up his phone. Bebe and Wendy had both probably figured out what happened. Even if they hadn't, Craig could bet that they had cornered T--

\--him, and began an interrogation. So Craig wasn't shocked when he saw that his phone had already been spammed with messages:

 **bebe s. 3:03 PM**  
weds and i saw what happened  
oh my god tweek is SUCH a jerk  
us girls are here for you  
text me if u need to talk <3

 **wendy 3:04 PM**  
omg CRAIG  
are you ok??  
bb and i saw everything  
we're here 4 u ok?  
craig????

 **[blocked #]**  
oh craig  
i'm so sorry  
but it's ok  
kyles willing to let you suck his dick after being blue balled by twitchy  
you fags gotta stick together

_ Click 'YES' if you want to prevent future messages from this number: YES/NO _

**honey <3 3:11 PM**  
craig are you ok  
craig answer me  
CRAIG  
i love you  
i'm sorry  
please text me

 **clyddee 3:15 PM**  
BRO  
WHAT HAPPENEDDDDD  
CRAIGGGGGGGGG  
DDDDDD;  
DID YOU AND TWEEK BREAK UP???

 **wallet 3:19 PM**  
dude clydes freaking out   
bebe texted him or sm shit   
come over help me deal with him lololo  
holy shit  
did u and tweek break up?

 **kyle b. 3:22 PM**  
ignore cartman.  
also sorry about what happened  
sucks

Seeing everyone know about it only helped cement the truth. Tweek and him weren't together anymore. Craig fell back into bed, pulling the covers up over his head. He rummaged his pockets, pulling out his earphones. 

**NOW PLAYING:** Hit The Lights [REMASTERED]

_"I love this song, it's not really my style but it helps wake me up before work,"_

Fuck.

 **NOW PLAYING:** Get You [Ft. Kali Uchis]

Craig raised the volume until the world around him was silenced. He let the music play, washing over him. Washing away all the memories of Tweek. 

He listened until he dozed off, tear stains across his cheeks as the song rung in his ears.


	2. Break Free

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "If I can borrow your light I'd part with my precious pack."
> 
> "What kind of idiot goes to smoke but doesn't even bring a light?" mocked Craig. Despite this, he still reached into his jacket and tossed his lighter towards the blonde.

I want to break free from your lies  
You're so self satisfied I don't need you  
I've got to break free  
God knows, God knows I want to break free  
 _→ Freddy Mercury, Queen_

✧✬✧

"Ok, Jimmy. Smash or pass... Red?"

Jimmy sat in thought, dramatically rubbing his chin like an imaginary beard, "I-In this s-situation, before or a-after her new h-haircut?"

"Dude. That's my fucking cousin." Craig's nose wrinkled in disgust. He tossed a ketchup packet at Jimmy, who in turn smacked it back.

"T-That is t-true, but s-she's also s-super hot." 

"My. Cousin."

"Your _hot_ cousin!" added Clyde. The table erupted into laughter as Clyde joined in to tease Craig. He groaned, rolling his eyes. Maybe he would have joined in and laughed a couple of years ago, but he was fucking 16 now. They _all_ were. 

At least, they were supposed to be.

"Come on, Craig. Loosen up! Here, it's your turn now," Token chimed in, nudging Craig beside him, "Smash or pass: Kyle Brof?"

Across the cafeteria, Kyle Brofloski sat at his usual table. In elementary school, most of the guys had all sat together at one single table, switching seats whenever they felt like it.

In middle school that had all changed.

Suddenly, nobody cared about how cool your birthday parties were or who lead the games. People that didn't like each other just... _avoided_ one another. Craig's group had drifted away from Cartman and those guys, sitting across the room at their own table. By highschool, Stan and Kyle had shot up the popularity ladder immediately after hitting puberty, dragging Kenny McCormick and Cartman up with them. Now the previously spacious lunch table of just the core four was filled with fellow football teammates and energetic cheerleaders.

Craig zeroed back on Token. If it wasn't for their long years of friendship, he could already see Token seated at their table, cosied up to Lola or Heidi, "I'm not playing your stupid game."

"Stupid? This game is _educational_ ," Token defended, "By knowing who we're kind-of attracted too, we can prevent hookups with people based completely on alcohol. For example," Token pointed back at Clyde, "Smash or pass, Nelly?"

Clyde, who had been in the middle of his third sloppy joe, replied, "I already told you, no way."

"Exactly," nodded Token, "and who did you hook up with last Christmas?"

"...Nelly." mumbled Clyde, his cheeks heating to the colour of his meaty sandwich.

"See? Educational! If we had known this last year, Clyde and Nelly could have been prevented!"

"You guys are gross," chimed in Tweek. The table stopped to stare at the usually silent boy, and Craig had never been more grateful.

"Disgusting." he agreed. 

At this point, Jimmy had decided it was his turn to speak, "Y-You guys don't n-n-need to p-play then. We'll just p-play by o-our-our-... without y-you both."

Craig glared at him, but Clyde and Token shouted their agreement. Much to Craig's dismay, the three ignored the annoyed look on his face as they continued to discuss the 'fuckability' of his closest cousin.

He placed down his sandwich, no longer hungry. "I need a smoke."

The three waved him off, happy to continue their game without him grumbling about it in the background, but Tweek frowned at him, "I thought you quit smoking?"

Craig guilty rubbed the back of his neck, "I know, this is just a cheat day."

"Don't lie to me."

"I'm not!"

He was. 

A few months ago, Craig had gotten drunk at Tokens house and sworn off smoking and all other forms of it. The guys had all cheered, promising to help him get over his addiction.

It had been going pretty well, whenever Craig was stressed or just felt like a smoke, he pulled up a picture of Stripe or leaned over and pet him.

" _Do it for your child!_ " Tweek had joked, and it helped.

But then Strip died. After the initial mourning, smoking suddenly wasn't as terrible as he remembered. Craig had gone through half a pack in a week. Then a full pack. Then two. 

_Boom_. Addicted, once again.

He had tried to hide it at first, ashamed he had broken his promise so soon. Whenever he heard a footstep that even _reminded_ him of Clyde's thick boots, he would stub his cigarette out and spray himself down before going back inside. 

He'd kept it up for a full month before being caught in the act. Clyde had snuck up behind him, nearly making him choke on the lit cigarette between his lips. At first, Craig had been terrified. Instantly dropping his cigarette to the ground, tripping over himself for an explanation, when Clyde simply shrugged.

 _"What? You think I'm gonna bust you or some shit? We all know you still smoke."_ Before Craig could even process this, Clyde nudged his side and laughed, _"You can't live without them, It's just you, y'know?"_

After that, Craig dropped trying to hide it at all.

Craig was brought back to the present when Tweek spoke back up, "Are you sure? A cheat day sounds like a bad idea,"

"It's fine, Tweek. I'll be back in a few."

Craig grabbed his bag and left before Tweek could reply.

✧✬✧

Craig had never been fond of the schools assigned 'smoking area'. The goths often gathered there during the day, so having a smoke alone was out of the picture. Not to mention the fact that its reputation as the place everyone smoked at ensured teachers would regularly check in on it from time to time. So trying to relax with a cigarette only ended up being more stressful than your initial problem. To top it all off, the schools' dumpsters were nearby, and even walking past the backdoor left a bad stench in your nose.

So Craig had to find somewhere else. Of course, he could just 'not smoke', but then again, he went to school with Eric Cartman. He was surprised more people _didn't_ smoke.

The music rooms were his first idea; it was a well-known fact a few seniors had broken the smoke detector in one of the private practice rooms last year, and the school had yet to fix it [or even know it was broken]. The downside to this was that after even a few minutes of smoking, leaving made an exit as dramatic as the Kardashians, smoke billowing out behind you the second you opened the door.

The only other place Craig could think of was the roof; open-aired, no teachers or security cameras, and _extremally_ empty. It was perfect. 

There was only one problem.

As Craig leant across the railing, taking a drag on his cigarette every now and then, he heard the rooftop doors swing open. If he had been any other person, he'd immediately put out his cigarette and pretend he had simply been having lunch. But he wasn't any other person; he was Craig. The schools top chain smoker, so he knew no one came up here during the day. No one except...

"Yo, Craigers!"

Craig scowled, flicking his cigarette over the roof's edge, "Don't shout, McCormick."

It was the perfect smoke place, obviously someone else knew about it. 

And that person just had to be Kenny McCormick. Fantastic.

Thankfully, Craig and Kenny's paths rarely crossed. Kenny only smoked during class [which meant Craig had overestimated how much time he had left for lunch] and only during classes he hated. That included physics, chemistry and calculus. All of which Craig loved. 

Sadly, being partnered with Cartman for chemistry had severely lowered Craig's enjoyment on it. So recently, he had been forced to share his smoking sanctuary with the Kenny McCormick. Great.

"Aww, what's wrong?"

"You showed up."

Kenny barked out a laugh, draping a hand over Craig's shoulder, "Don't be so mean. I was going to share my precious Marlboro's with you, but if you're going to be a douche you can stick with your _Pall Malls_."

He raised an eyebrow at the blonde. Kenny, pleased that he had caught Craig's attention, dug into his pockets and pulled out two small packs of the signature red Marlboro's. 

He smirked up at him, "See? I got another pack just for you,"

"How the hell did you afford those?"

The blonde simply shoved the packs back into his pockets, turning his back to the brunette, "Doesn't matter. You aren't getting them either way." he teased.

Marlboro's were by far better [and more expensive] than Pall Mall's. Craig honestly didn't even like Pall Mall, but they were the cheapest cigs available and got the job done, so he couldn't complain. 

That didn't mean he'd turn down a pack of Marlboro's, they were a steal.

"Don't be a dick, McCormick."

"You are what you eat, sadly." Kenny sighed, stumbling over as Craig shoved him away "But, I'm not that bad. If I can borrow your light I'd part with my precious pack."

"What kind of idiot goes to smoke but doesn't even bring a light?" mocked Craig. Despite this, he still reached into his jacket and tossed his lighter towards the blonde. Kenny easily caught it, happily lighting up a fresh cigarette.

He puffed his cig, blowing the smoke into Craig's face, "Thanks, Craigers. Here:" he tossed the pack at him, "Your prize."

"Thanks." Craig took a fresh cigarette out of the pack, holding it towards Kenny to light it who did so cordially. 

Craig puffed, this time savouring the taste of the smoke in his mouth before blowing out. 

He stared down below the school, watching his class as they filed out for a 'fun, outside experiment!'. _I should be down there_ , he thought, but the sight of Eric Cartman tipping a mysterious clear liquid into Butters' beaker as he talked to Stan quickly chased that thought away.

"Isn't that your cousin?" the sound of Kenny's voice broke Craig from his thoughts, his gaze moving over towards Red, who was [unfortunately] deep in conversation with Jimmy. 

"That motherfucker." Craig stomped out his cig, then grabbed his bag and turned to leave.

"Where are you going? I just got here," whined Kenny, "And what about my 'thank you'? Thanks for lighting my cigarette, Kenny. You're so hot and kind!" 

Craig turned back only once to properly flip Kenny off, then rushed down the stairs towards the front yard.

✧✬✧

"He forgot his light," mumbled Kenny, pocketing it for later use. The blonde pulled up his hood, ready to leave before staring down at the yard one last time. 

A smile tugged at his lips as he watched Craig 'accidentally' bump into Jimmy, a menacing smile directed towards him as he asked what they were talking about. Red excitedly greeted her cousin, eager to catch him up on what he missed as Jimmy slowly backed away, his face a sickly yellow at the sight of the 6.2 male.

Kenny let out a soft laugh, before tightening the strings of his parka and heading back downstairs to join them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> suprise! same day, another update. don't get used to it, I'm still going to mostly post monthly, but counting the prologue as a separate chapter felt kinda cheeky, so here was chapter 1! comment + kudos if you liked it :))


	3. Electric You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Tweek, take a deep breath."
> 
> "NO CRAIG! HOLY SHIT! THE EARTHS MAJORLY FUCKED! WHICH MEANS WE'RE ALL FUCKED!"
> 
> "Tweek, please calm down. Let's talk about this--"
> 
> "--FUCK! MY ENTIRE SPECIES IS DOOMED!"

It's too late, keep your head on straight  
Just don't make it up (Just don't make it up)  
People change or I'll never stay sane  
But I keep it up (But I keep it up)  
→ _Kid Bloom_

✧✬✧

An image of the Earth appeared on screen, stars flickering in the background. The camera then panned back, revealing the entire thing to have just been a very detailed life-sized model. Controlling the model was an old man with tufts of hair growing at his chin.

The name 'Nicholas Burnell' appearing below him.

_"Now, due to the slight slant of the rotation, every year we find that the Earth has gravitated 1.5 centimetres away from the Sun."_

The man reached down and pulled the Earth away from the Sun ever so slightly, _"The problem is, while that sounds small, the numbers build up. So quite easily in a few decades, our entire climate will be entirely different from how it is today!"_

The man this time yanked the Earth, dragging it far away from the Sun. As he did so, the once green lands on Earth turned blue, just as the water visibly 'froze over'.

Beside him, Craig could hear Tweek crumble to the ground, "WHAT? THE EARTH'S GONNA FREEZE?"

This was possibly the worst documentary Craig could have chosen. At first glance, it seemed to focus simply on all the animals in the arctic and their habitat. For an hour, Tweek and Craig had awwed at the cuteness of baby harp seals, families of polar bears and fighting arctic foxes. Even when they were forced to watch a pod of orcas surround an abandoned king penguin, they had simply wiped their tears and looked away.

But it was the 21st century; everything related to the cold had to include details on the Earth's climate now.

Spoiler alert: Earth's not doing so great.

Craig watched in horror as the screen faded away from majestic blue whales, to a diagram of the solar system. Normally, he would be thrilled for some space-related content, but he was with Tweek. Space and Tweek didn't mesh well.

So when a scientist started rambling on and on about how many ice caps were melting and how the world would end soon, Craig couldn't grab the remote fast enough.

Craig paused and exited out of the documentary, moving his focus to the struggling blonde, "Tweek, take a deep breath."

"NO CRAIG! HOLY SHIT! THE EARTHS _MAJORLY_ FUCKED! WHICH MEANS WE'RE ALL FUCKED!"

"Tweek, please calm down. Let's talk about this--"

"--FUCK! MY ENTIRE SPECIES IS DOOMED!"

"Tweek!" Craig laid an arm on Tweek's shoulder, forcing him to acknowledge the brunette's presence, "Look at me."

Tweek paused [though still violently shacking] and stared into Craig's eyes, "When is this maybe going to happen?"

"IN ABOUT-- _ACK_ \-- 100 TRILLION YEARS?"

"Exactly. Are you going to be alive then?"

"...NO?"

"So that means..?"

Tweek took a deep breath, letting himself be sat back down by Craig, "I'm safe."

Craig smiled, "Exactly."

The jittery boy grinned sheepishly back up at Craig, a finger absentmindedly tugging at a loose strand of hair, "Thanks, Craig. Sorry I, _Nnh_ , ruined the documentary for you,"

"Nah, it's cool," shrugged Craig, sifting through the array of non-world-ending related documentaries, "It got lame after the penguin died. Here: a doc about a failed festival-thing some millionaire tried to run, sound ok?"

Tweek nodded. Obnoxious pop music filled the room, and bikini-clad models ran around the beach in slow-mo. By all means, the previous documentary had been better made and 10x more informative, but this was innocent fun and simple story-telling. Perfect to help calm Tweek down.

Craig leant back, closing his eyes as narration began to set the scene. He felt Tweek sit beside him, shaking a lot less than before.

"I'm glad you could come over today, it feels like ages since we last hung out,"

"I know. I've just had a ton of schoolwork," 

Did he? Craig couldn't remember the last time he had done homework, much less hand it in. 

"It just feels like you've been avoiding us all."

"I haven't."

He had.

"I know, but we just miss hanging out with you,"

Craig honestly felt guilty about avoiding Tweek. Out of everyone in Craig's group, he was by far the best. Even after their unfortunate [and overly dramatic] breakup in seventh grade, Tweek had continued to be a great friend to Craig. Being generous enough to offer support whenever he felt Craig needed it. He stayed the same old' Tweek; kind and forgiving, even after what happened. 

Craig hoped Tweek could say the same. He doubted it.

It wasn't like he was _purposely_ avoiding him. It was just that, wherever Tweek went, Token or Clyde normally followed close behind. And recently, things with them had been...

Not so good, basically.

"Same. We should all hang out soon."

"I could invite them over now?"

"Uh..."

Fuck. Not this soon.

Craig tried to remember when it had started; was it when Token's non-serious attitude evolved into turning everything into a joke, no matter how serious Craig was? Was it when Token's advice of 'just ignore your problems' had stopped being comforting and instead borderline rude? Had Token always been that careless? Had he always just thrown money at whoever was lucky enough to be closest? 

And what about Clyde? Fucking hell, he and Clyde were supposed to be 'best friends'! But Clyde had changed; his jokes became harsh and vulgar, never hesitating to insult or degrade someone nearby. Yet, whenever a joke like that was directed at him, he'd take it as a personal offence. Eyes permanently on the edge of crying. When had Clyde become so... so _terrible_? When had he changed?

Maybe Craig was the one that changed.

"Craig?"

"Yeah?"

"Should I text them?"

Shit. "Uh, I actually gotta go," Craig stood up, reaching for his bag that had been haphazardly thrown onto Tweeks sofa chair when they arrived. 

Tweek stood up after him, arms gesturing around the room, "Are you sure? My parents left ten dollars for pizza,"

"Sorry," Craig cringed, mind racing for a believable excuse, "I just realised I left Tricia home alone. I've gotta get back to her."

His words set Tweek off, the blonde immediately dragging Craig towards the front door, "Are you serious? You've got to get home! Tricia could have been followed home! Or the house was broken in to! Or-- Or--"

"I got it. I'll be home fast," Craig jogged out the door, waving goodbye as he left. He knew he needed to stop lying to Tweek; Tweek never lied to him, so why couldn't he grant him the same courtesy?

_"I think we should break up."_

Oh yeah, that's why. They were exes. Exes didn't talk about their feelings, much less be friends.

Tweek had been good enough to stay friendly, Craig didn't need to unload on him.

✧✬✧

A ringing from his pocket broke Craig from his trance. When he unlocked his phone, the name 'little shit' read in bold writing across the screen. Reluctantly, Craig answered it.

"Hell--"

_"CRAIG!"_

"Fuck! Tricia, what the hell?"

_"Craig Tucker!"_

"Trica."

_"Craigerton the fourth!"_

"Is there a point to you calling me?"

_"Duh! What's that super good Chinese place with the fast takeout?"_

Craig rummaged through his pockets, eventually holding up his spare set of house keys, "How the fuck did you forget City Wok?"

_"Nooooooooooo!"_ Tricia groaned into Craig's ear as he unlocked the door, slamming it shut behind him, _"The one in Denver!"_

"Little China? Jesus, I thought you were just at Ike's house?"

_"I am! But I wanna see if they'll deliver--"_

"--You're so stup--"

_"--if we promise a big tip! Ike doesn't think they it'll work, but I know it will."_

Craig dropped his bag onto the kitchen counter. He reached around, flicking the light switch and searching for the ten dollars his mom had left for his dinner, "How big even is the tip?"

_"62 dollars."_

"WHAT?" Craig nearly dropped his phone, "How the hell did six seven-graders get _62 dollars_?"

_"Well, Ike had 10 from his parents, Aaron and Hannah were both given 10 each as well. Oh, and Corey had 20 dollars! He earned it from his summer Minecraft job! Karen also brought 2, which she was really embarrassed about, but we told her not to be since it would help diversify the types of bills we have."_

"That's still only 42 dollars, 52 with the 10 dad left you," Craig balanced the phone on his right shoulder, hands sifting through the stack of papers on the counter, "Fuck. Tricia, do you know where mom left my dinner money?"

_"Uh... It was behind the toaster, but--"_

Craig reached behind, pleased to find an envelope with his name on it. He reached inside, two folded pieces of paper were tucked in neatly. He scanned over the first one:

_hi honey!_   
_city wok's # on fridge_   
_left you 10 [that enough?]_   
_your father and i are going to be home late tonight so don't wait up_   
_xx mom_

"Thanks, found it."

_"You did?"_

"Uh-huh," Craig pocketed the note, unfolding the second as he did so. Much to his dismay, ten dollars didn't fall out. In fact, no money came out, instead, red-inked chicken scratch covered the page.

**SORRY CRAIG**   
**I TOOK UR MONEY**   
**NEEDED IT MORE THAN U**   
**DONT GO INTO MY ROOM**   
**SORRY :))**

Craig let the paper fall to the ground, anger marking his face, "Tricia?"

_"Yes?"_ she squeaked.

"You fucking stole my dinner money?"

_"Uh-- I-- Huh? What's that? Sorry, Craig! I gotta go!"_

"No, you don--"

_"Hannah dropped her phone in the sink! Emergency! Bye, see you tomorrow!"_

"TRICI--"

The call ended with a loud 'BEEP', mocking Craig as he watched Tricia go offline.

God damnit.

Craig blushed as his stomach loudly rumbled, filling the kitchen. He angrily swung the cabinets open, searching for anything to eat. Shit. Shit. Shit. Fuck, they needed to go grocery shopping this weekend. The boy eventually settled on a bag of chips, diet soda and a cold slice of lasagna from yesterday night's dinner, cursing his little sister as he walked up the stairs.

Seeing how empty his bedroom was further mocked him and his pathetic dinner, his only respite being the sound of Stripe's soft snoring.

Settling himself on his bed, Craig ripped open his bag of chips, washing it down with the fizzy drink. He opened his phone, scrolling through Instagram stories as he ate.

**marsh.mellow**   
_with the guys @dirtyjew @possylover_

**mothertheresa**   
_study night! @annie_knf <3_

**welcometowendys**   
_girls night~ wish u guys could be here :( [iykyk]_   
_@bebe.stevens @redderz @veganheidi_

**wiltedrose**   
_life is meaningless. by posting on my story_   
_i'm contributing to the sickness plaguing the_   
_youth's mind known as 'social media'. so_   
_desperate for attention we slave ourselves_   
_off on here just for a follow. what fucking_   
_posers. btw go follow **@dukeofdarkness** his _   
_old acc was hacked._

**69fatcock69 [PRIVATE STORY]**   
_dumbass fag didn't tag me. IM HERE TOO YOU FUCKING TAMPONS_

**69fatcock69 [PRIVATE STORY]**   
_they just jealous hella bitches are trying to pick me up and their stupid homo asses aren't getting SHIT_

**triciaaa**   
_slumber party time!! @ike.brof @mckaren @itsmehannah @XxaaronxX @coreycove_

Despite being the cause for his pathetic dinner arrangements, Craig couldn't help but smile at the picture on Tricia's story: she and all her friends gathered in a circle, a monopoly board in the middle. Seeing her smile so brightly nearly made him forgive her for possibly starving him.

Nearly.

He skipped over the next stories, filled with spam from Bebe and her group hanging out in the newly opened bowling alley. When he finally got to the end, Token's story opened:

**tknblk**   
_THE BOYYYSSSS @clyde.donovan @tweek &co_

They all sat in Tweeks living room, the newest Smash Bros game open on-screen with boxes of pizza surrounding them. Craig's heart clenched, but he couldn't complain. He was the one that left, not them. Besides, they were dicks. He probably wasn't missing much anyway.

Craig looked up, frowning at the sight of Stripe Junior slobbering over his cage door. The seeing his beloved pet set in just how big Craigs room was, and how empty it felt with just him alone.

**clyde.donovan**   
_TOKEN CHEATED EVERYONE CANCEL TOKEN #TOKENISOVERPARTY !!!!!! IM THE REAL SMASH BROS WINNER_

Craig opened his mouth to laugh, but stopped himself. Besides Tweek, they were dicks. Mega douchbags.

Craig couldn't help but think that despite that, being around a couple of douchebags was a lot less lonely than a single guinea pig. Even if it _was_ Stripe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another update!! i guess the 'second' of every month is my schedule now :/ anyway, hope u enjoyed this chapter! did anyone watch the new pandemic special? i really liked it, soooo stoked for season 24!! just needed more kenny and Craig ;))
> 
> don't forget kudos + comment if you liked it :))


	4. Last Plane

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Who cares about Clyde? All the guys in South Park suck." she faltered, "No offence, Craig."
> 
> "No, you're right, I kinda suck too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter features instruments! I guessed which instruments most of the characters played, but ended up finding out there was a canon image of the entire grade in music class, oops. thankfully, i basically got most of them right ["token, trumpet, t an t, ok yeah let's do that. wait, he actually plays the trumpet? shit, hell yeah"]
> 
> i actually play bass, guitar and piano irl, so i'm incredibly biased towards them. violin? fuck, uh give it to clyde i guess. wait, bass? only for best boy.

What if I told you that the world was gonna end  
And you had 15 minutes to spend with me or your friends  
Would you take the first bus over to my house?  
Or would you take the last plane over the west coast?  
→ _Mike Krol_

✧✬✧

Craig massaged his temples, mouth downturned in a sneer, "Clyde, if you hit that tambourine one more time I will knock you out with Token's trumpet." 

Across the room, Clyde frowned, slowly lowering the raised tambourine, "You're such a party pooper."

"Sorry for not wanting a fucking headache." he glared at the jock, fingers pausing over his bass' strings.

"You're not using my trumpet, Craig." Token mumbled beside him.

"That's not the point."

Tweek hid his clarinet behind his back. "You can't use my clarinet either," 

"That's not the point!" shouted Craig, hands flipping Tweek and Token off as he spoke.

The room went silent. He dropped the tambourine, draping a hand over Craig's shoulder, "Chill out, dude. If I could play anything else I would, but," Clyde sighed, "...alas."

Craig shoved Clyde's hand away, eyes narrowed, "You've had violin lessons since you were fucking nine."

The boy simply waved him off, collapsing into a nearby chair, "Those don't count."

"HOW DO THEY NOT FUCKING COUNT?" Craig could see Token and Tweek exchange worried looks. Craig let out a breath, he couldn't blame them for being concerned. It wasn't like him to be so volatile. But after last nights crummy dinner, Craig had barely been able to fall asleep over the rumbling of his stomach. When he finally dozed off, he was certain his alarm went off only a few seconds later. 

Sleep-deprived and starving, Craig tumbled out off bed. Slowly pulling up his pants before realising he had missed the bus.

So basically, it was all Tricia's fault.

A new voice spoke up, "Oh no, we upset Craigory!" cried Kenny. The brunette turned towards the short blonde, almost as if he had just realised he was there.

"Why the hell are you here?"

Kenny fell back in faux shock, "How _rude!_ You guys see how he treats me?"

Token sniggered behind him. Craig was just about ready to kill someone. 

Thankfully, Tweek walked over and set a soothing hand on his shoulder, "The assignment needed a stringed-solo, and since you refused, Kenny offered to play guitar for us."

Craig's brow furrowed, "When did you ask me that?"

"You weren't listening," sighed Tweek, "Yet again."

Heat rose to Craig's cheeks, the boy mumbling an apology as he avoided Tweek's eyes. 

"But we recorded his guitar solo a while ago, why's he still in here?" Token chimed in. Craig could only hope it wasn't to smoke, his blue eyes flickering over the unmistakably broken smoke alarm in the top right corner.

In reply, Kenny simply smirked, pointing a finger at Clyde. In turn, the boy reached into his bag and pulled out two suspiciously thick 'math books', then slipped away the covers to reveal the hidden books in between.

"Jesus Christ. Did you seriously bring porn mags to school?"

Tweek instantly shot up, knocking over a cymbal as he clambered out of his seat. The boy mumbled something under his breath, excusing himself out of the room. 

Token's eyes followed him as the door slammed shut, "Is Tweek seriously still afraid of porn?"

"It's not his fault." argued Craig, "Ever since Cartman spammed him with all those 'porn addiction articles he's avoided them like the plague."

Clyde grinned, tossing one to Kenny, "His loss, our gain."

Ugh. Craig scoffed. He tried to focus back on practising the groups' bassline, but having dick-tattooed jugs surrounding him made it hard to focus. The final straw was Kenny 'accidentally' untuning Craig's pegs, then holding up a random page when Craig turned to readjust them. He tossed his hands into the air, "Did you have to do this now?"

"Better than the stupid music assignment," Clyde flipped a page over, eyes widening, "Holy shit! Don't they look just like me and Bebe?"

The page showed a couple passionately embraced, sprawled over a small lounge chair. Craig had to admit the guy did look a little like Clyde, and felt his cheeks redden as his view went further down.

"Wouldn't you prefer to see the actual Bebe instead of some blonde look-alike?"

He scoffed, flipping the mag over to reveal _'EMERY ELLE gets sand EVERYWHERE at the beach!'_ , "Obviously, but until she realises I'm the man for her I've gotta find other ways to cope,"

"Fucking hell, Clyde," Craig blenched, "You're disgusting."

'I think it's just _soooo_ cute."

"Shut up, Kenny."

"Guys, Craigeth's mad at me again!"

Craig flipped him off. He watched Token lean over and snatch a magazine off of Clyde's pile, flipping over to a random page, "Don't be a dick, Craig."

He flipped Token off too.

"Guys, chill out. Here, I think you'll like this one," Clyde tossed a spare magazine at him, but Craig caught it mid-air and threw it back, hitting Clyde square in the face. He toppled over, falling onto the ground, "Fuck! Craig, why'd you do that?"

Before Craig could reply, Kenny laid his head on Craig's laps, "Guys, it's not Craig's fault; none of the girls are his type, no biggie."

Nope. Wrong, thought Craig, but he was still grateful Kenny off all people was defending him. Who would've thou--

"Try bring a video next time. If they're blonde and twitching Craig'll be done in no time."

What.

What?

WHAT.

The brunette stared down in horror at Kenny, anger seething through his blood. What the fuck? What the _fuck? WHAT THE FUCK?_

God, you think Kenny's not that bad for five seconds, then BOOM. He goes and fucking ruins everything. Craig was right to hate that poor little shit. What the hell was his problem? Fucking Kenny. Fucking Cartman. Fucking Stan. Fuckin-

"Ha. Good one."

...Fucking Clyde.

Craig stared up at him, disbelief apparent on his face. Was he serious? He looked around the room, besides Kenny [who was staring up at Craig like he'd grown a third eye] Token and Clyde continued to flip through their magazines, oblivious to the situation across from them. 

What the fuck?

Craig shot up, Kenny's head knocking against his knees as he stumbled out. Without a word, he slipped out of the practice room, slamming the door behind him. Craig straightened and took a deep breath. He was still technically inside, but the air out here felt cleaner. Less stuffy.

Maybe it just felt better being away from those three. 

When Craig turned back, he wasn't [or was he?] surprised to see no one had followed him out. Kenny and Token definitely wouldn't have.

What about Clyde?

Craig shook the thought away, focusing on a group of girls seated near the room's entrance. Among them was Red, who at the sight of Craig happily waved him over.

He approached them, scanning the room for Tweek. When he saw him idly chatting with Jimmy and Stan, Craig let out a breath. See? Everything was fine. Stop worrying.

At the sight of the freakishly tall boy, Annie leant over and whispered something to Bebe, who instantly looked over and smiled. Craig stood over the group as Heidi and Red awkwardly shuffled away to make room. 

Thankfully, as Craig sat down he was given the usual warm welcome. Red snatched the blue chullo off of Craig's head, ignoring the way his shoulders tensed without it, "Hey, Craig. Weren't you and your group using the practice rooms?"

"We were." 

"So is the practice room free now?" Annie leant in, handing Craig the groups written song lyrics, "We'd love to practice our song."

Craig shook his head, "Nah. I just left; Clyde was being a dick."

Beside him, Bebe sighed, "Of _course_ he was. That asshole needs to get his attitude checked." 

Craig cringed, just remembering the blonde was there. Clyde _was_ being a dick, but next time try to say it out of earshot of the girl he's madly in love with.

Thankfully, Theresa spoke, "Who cares about Clyde? All the guys in South Park suck." she faltered, "No offence, Craig."

"No, you're right, I kinda suck too."

Red and Bebe giggled, as Theresa visibly relaxed, thankful not to have offended someone already.

"I know right! I desperately want a boyfriend, but the options make me want to barf." sighed Annie. 

"Well, not all the guys in South Park suck," mumbled Bebe, eyes flickering over Craig, "There are actually a few good options,"

Red snorted beside him, "Shut up, Bebe. You just like tall guys." 

The girls all laughed. Bebe blushed and whispered something into Red's ear, which only made her laugh harder.

For some guys, being surrounded by giggling cheerleaders might have been a fun time, but Craig could feel his unease start to grow. He stood up, stealing his hat back from Red's head.

"I've got to go to the bathroom."

The girls said their goodbyes. Craig left out into the school hall, thankful for some peace and quiet. He could smell the Goths smoking a few doors down, and for once realised just how lucky he was to have found his rooftop sanctuary. 

Plus, he knew for sure Kenny wouldn't be there. 

Thank God. He really needed a smoke right now.

✧✬✧

Craig couldn't describe how happy he was to hear his mother cooking in the kitchen when he got home, the night's previous supper still fresh in his mind.

"Craig? Is that you?" Laura Tucker called out from the kitchen, "Help me set the table!" 

Dishes lined the kitchen counter, stacks of utensils beside them. Craig silently grabbed them, knowing that his mother didn't need a response. 

After lining up the knives and spoons, Trica bounded down the stairs. She stood net to Craig for a second before visibly blenching "God, you smell!"

"Shut up."

"You shut up!"

"Children." Laura shut the sink off, turning around to glare at them both. She flipped Tricia, then Craig off. Both following in her stead, flipping her and one another off. "Sit down, your father will be home and minute now."

The siblings grumbled, glaring at each other as they sat down. Craig slipped his phone out, sneakily unlocking it.

**wallet 6:59 PM**  
yo  
why'd u leave  
we hadn't recorded ur bassline yet

**You 6:59 PM**  
are you kidding

**wallet 7:00 PM**  
no????  
whut  
kenny do smth to u while he was in ur lap ;;)

**You 7:00 PM**  
fuck you  
so you don't care about what he said about tweek

**wallet 7:01 PM**  
oh that  
idk  
it was kinda funny

"Craig! No phones at the table."

Craig looked up. Laura stared down at him, hand on her hip. 

"Sorry. It was just school stuff."

She quirked an eyebrow, but didn't push it further. Craig dropped his phone back into his pocket, mumbling a 'thank you' as a plate of meatloaf was placed in front of him.

A small part of Craig was glad he had been caught. He didn't know what he would have said to Token; No it wasn't? I guess so? Fuck you?

He didn't want to think about it.

"So, Honey. How was school?"

Fucking terrible. Craig hadn't had a good day at school for months.

"Fine."

"That's good, how about you Tricia?"

Craig pushed a piece of meatloaf around his plate. Everything was so complicated now. Clyde and Token were such pieces of shit. But why did he even care?

Token was the only one that asked Craig why he left, and that just made him feel worse. 

But what if Clyde had asked?

Why didn't he ask?

Would he have been able to swallow down his new sick sense of humour and make him feel better?

He used to be able to. He used to be able to make Craig feel better about everything.

_"Ha. Good one."_

Guess that's changed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope u enjoyed xx i love replying to comments, so don't be shy <33


	5. A Waste

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sup y'all. im rlly sorry bout updating later than usual; nothing rlly caused it, jus got lazy. thank u all for ur comments, they mean everything 2 me rn!! im not superrrrr proud of this update, but the next one[s] will be better, pinky promise <33 anyway, enjoy!!

By the time you hear the siren  
It's already too late  
One goes to the morgue and the other to jail  
One guy's wasted and the other's a waste  
→ _Dexter Holland, Offspring_

✧✬✧

There was no other way to put it: Kenny was stalking him.

At first, Craig thought he was just being paranoid. I mean, honestly; why the hell would Kenny McCormick of all people be following _him?_

Craig needed to stop being so conceited. Kenny hovering around his lunch table could have just been a misunderstanding! He was probably just waiting for them to leave or something. Maybe he wanted to talk to Token? Who knows, but he definitely wasn't there for Craig.

Then again, Kenny was staring at him all of physics. But that was probably just an accident. Craig was always staring off into dead space, who says Kenny wasn't doing the same, with Craig just _happening_ to be there?

Plus, it was probably just a coincidence seeing him in the library during his free period. Craig shouldn't assume that just because Kenny hung out with the biggest idiots in school, he himself couldn't enjoy an intellectual hobby. Them being there at the same time was just a coincidence.

So was the bathroom.

And the computer lab.

And the sports hall.

And Tweek Bros. Coffeehouse.

And--

...Fuck. Kenny really _was_ a stalker.

God damnit. Craig already had enough on his plate, why'd Kenny need to come and add himself to it? Didn't he have anything better to with his time do than stalk him? 

Cartman probably put it up to him. _Trail Craig until he does something fucking stupid I can make fun of until he dies._ Yeah, that was probably it. 

Great. Fan-fucking-tastic. The second he even so much as tripped over himself that poor little prick would go running to Cartman.

It was disappointing, to say the least. Craig had always disliked Stan and his group, but he'd always thought of Kenny as his own thing. He went along with whatever bullshit the guys created, and would even encourage it, but when it came to Cartman and another one of his douchey-schemes, Craig always assumed Kenny was just roped into it like the rest of them.

Apparently not.

Damn, Kenny was giving Craig a fucking headache. 

And he couldn't even go out for a smoke, because the last _three_ times he'd tried, Kenny had been waiting there for him. 

Fuck.

That idiot. Why'd he have to be the one that knew of Craig's secret smoking sanctuary? Why not Kevin? Or Nicole? Even one of the Goth's would be better than him right now. Craig could already see it; if he was gone from their next class for even a second, Kenny would be out the door and at the rooftop in no time. He just didn't understand why Kenny suddenly cared about him so much, why he had to be Kenny's newest fascination. What had Craig ever done to the universe to deserve such a cruel, and awful--

"Who cares?" Clyde moaned, collapsing beside Craig, "Just go smoke."

Craig glared at him, "Were you even listening? I'm trying to avoid Kenny! Going there would just reveal my location."

"You act like it's been confirmed that he's following you, but what if he just... isn't?"

"Clyde--"

"--C'mon, Craig. Besides him 'coincidently' being in the same room as you now and then, what evidence do you actually have?"

Craig opened his mouth, but felt it close right after. What evidence did he have? Clyde perked an eyebrow at him, "See? You've gotta chill out."

Across the field, the schools' football coach blew his whistle. The team players [Token among them] gathered around him, shouting out chants every now and then.

Craig glanced at Clyde, who lay absentmindedly on the grass picking daisies and dropping them into his lettermen jacket, "Shouldn't you be on the field?"

"Nope, PC Principle said I could have a week off of practice."

"How the hell did you do that?"

Clyde smirked, "Told him I read a hurtful article on Caitlyn Jenner and needed time to 'mentally recover'."

"Smart." 

The football coach blew his whistle again, and the team rushed back out onto the field. A couple freshmen grouped up near the bench, as the couch screamed a command. Within seconds, the ball was in Kevin Stoley's hands, the entire team chasing after him.

Across the field, Craig could see Cartman shouting words of 'encouragement' at his two friends, Kenny laughing behind him. For once, Kenny didn't have his parka on. The sun beat down on them all, blonde hair shining against it as a bead of sweat fell down Kenny's face, making Craig incredibly grateful for the shade over top him and his companion.

Speaking of, Clyde stared earnestly at the field, eyes flashing between each player, before eventually freezing on a single spot.

Now Craig didn't know much about football, but he was pretty sure standing still and waving at your girlfriend in the stands wasn't the best strategy, at least not one they were practising, "The hell is Stan doing?"

Clyde got up from his grass-seat, "He's saying hi to Wendy, duh."

"I know that, dumbass. But shouldn't he be playing the actual game?"

"Eh," shrugged Clyde, "I think it's cute."

"He's being stupid."

"Nah. Makes me wish Bebe visited me during practice. Kinda like Tweek used to visit you during Little League."

Craig's heart clenched, unwelcome memories flowing back. The boy shook his head and looked back at Clyde. The usually goofy jock instead stared straight ahead, eyes slightly glazed over at the thought of his blonde beau.

 _She's not that incredible, not to mention the exact opposite of Clyde's type._ "Why do you even like Bebe so much?"

Clyde snapped out of his trance. He looked up at Craig, cheeks heating ever so slightly, "That's pretty out of the blue."

Craig scoffed, narrowing his eyes, "You gonna answer or not?"

He went silent for a moment, before pushing himself up and sitting cross-legged across from Craig. A few daisies poked out from his pockets, shaking ever so slightly as he spoke, "Who knows. Obviously, she's super hot., but she's also a super cool girl." as he spoke, Clyde actually seemed... _bashful_. Craig would've laughed at him if he wasn't so pissed off, "She laughs at all of my jokes and is super nice to everyone, but so are you and Token. So that can't be why."

A small blush sprinkled his cheeks, hands unconsciously reaching up to ruffle his hair, "I guess I just _do_ , you know what I mean?"

 _Ha._ Craig wanted to tell Clyde no, he didn't know what he meant and that he was stupid. But he did. He knew _exactly_ what Clyde meant, exactly how hard it was having to describe why you liked someone.

If he could stop liking them, outline the exact reasons he felt the way he did and break them apart, logic his way out of them and chuck them as far away as he could, he would. Yet, he couldn't. No matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't. Craig had no fucking idea why. No fucking idea.

So, of course, Clyde didn't either.

Maybe this would have been a good moment to finally re-open up to Clyde. To stop pushing him away and try to mend the deteriorating friendship between them.

Instead, Craig said, "No. That sounds dumb."

Then Clyde laughed, and said, "You wouldn't understand; it's probably different if you like dicks over tits,"

"You're gross."

"I'm serious! With guys, it's like, 'damn, I wanna touch his dick.' But with girls, they're, like, legends. You basically die over their hotness, 'cause you know nothing about them."

And like that, the moment was gone.

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever hea--"

"FUCK! Craig, check me!" Clyde fell forward, urgently swiping his hands through his hair. He reached into his jean-pockets, pulling out his phone and pulling it up to his ear.

Before Craig could ask what the hell he was doing, the _legend_ herself ran up to them, "Hey guys,"

Clyde blushed at the sight of her, nearly tripping over himself as he turned his back to them. Bebe sat down beside Craig, "Whatcha' doing?"

He opened his mouth to answer, but Clyde loudly coughed and hovered over them.

"Uh-huh... Yeah... No, I-- Hold on, I gotta go." Clyde 'hung up' the phone and a surprised expression crossed over his face, "Oh, Bebe. When did you get here? I didn't even notice you,"

"But, we made eye contact?"

"Pssh. That? I was looking at... someone else. They're gone now."

 _Smooth_ , Clyde. Very smooth.

"Uh-huh..." Bebe turned back to Craig, "So, what are you guys up too?" 

Good question. What even _were_ they up to? Craig looked up, "Clyde?"

"Nothing. Just chilling. What are you doing here?"

Internally, Craig groaned. If Clyde kept this up, not even Craig would be able to keep the conversation going.

Thankfully, Bebe didn't seem to mind. She pointed across the field to Stan and Wendy, who stood deep in conversation, heads bowed. "Weds is dumping Stan. I'm her moral support."

Craig's head whipped back to her, "Again? No way,"

"Yup! She thinks they need to see other people. I mean, she's totally right; they've been together since they were like, nine? Ten?"

"Exactly! _Way_ too long!" agreed Clyde. 

Incidentally, the memory of Clyde crying over Wendy and Stans first breakup flashed in Craig's mind. Clyde sobbing like a baby, whispering that if they didn't make it, how would him and Bebe?

 _"They were the school's power couple!"_ he had cried, _"Just meant to be! They even have the same hair colour!"_

Craig decided not to mention this.

"Oh shit, I think she just broke it off." Craig looked up to where Stan and Wendy had been standing. The scene had changed, with Kyle and Kenny comforting a shell-shocked Stan as Wendy fled the scene. 

And Cartman, the loyal friend, loudly laughing behind them.

Craig didn't even realise he was staring when Kenny looked up. Their eyes met, and Craig felt his cheeks heat. Shit. Shit. Shit.

"I gotta go, Weds probably is waiting for me,"

"We'll come too!" Craig shot up, ignoring Kenny's eyes boring into his back, "Right, Clyde?"

Clyde quickly caught on, gathering their discarded bags and standing up to join them, "Of course! Wendy is probably really upset, she needs all the support she can right now."

Bebe's eyes practically shone as she smiled brightly at them both, "You both are so sweet! C'mon, let's not keep her waiting."

The three rushed out towards the parking lot. As they neared, Bebe ran ahead to console a crying Wendy. The noirette was hunched over the school steps, mascara running down her face. Bebe wrapped her arms around her, "Oh Weds, don't cry. Stan isn't worth it!"

"B-But you d-don't understand!" blubbered Wendy, "W-We've broken up and g-got back together s-so many times! What i-if I'm making a m-mistake?"

"Weds please, this has been a long time coming! You both getting back together over and over again was just delaying the inevitable."

Wendy's crying softened for a moment, "You really think so?"

"One hundred percent, right guys?" the girls looked up at Craig and Clyde, suddenly acknowledging their existence.

Clyde sat down next to Wendy, a confident smile over his face, "Bebe's right. You guys are always breaking up, I doubt this one'll even be permanent!" Beside him, Craig and Bebe cringed in unison.

Wendy howled, "B-But I want it t-to be permanent! I'm s-sick of g-going back and forth w-with him!"

"Well, uh," Clyde stumbled, "I'm sure you both won't get back together this time."

"How d-do you k-know, though?"

In the wild, sometimes fish, in a moment of blind stupidity, will throw themselves out of their body of water only to end up dying as they flop against the ground. Craig watched in horror as Clyde did what he assumed was the human version of that, "Because Stan's the football captain! With you gone, he'll probably have lines of girls interested in him; if he has a new girlfriend you'll be forced to move on!"

Silence followed. Craig was sure if he had been paying any closer attention he would have been able to hear Wendy's heart crack.

Bebe glared at Clyde, Wendy's eyes slowly refilling with tears, "A n-new girlfriend?"

"No! I mean-- what I meant was-- Um..." words fell out of Clyde's mouth like a sudden snowstorm, jumbling and pilling over themself as Clyde desperately tried to undo what he had done.

Sadly, it was too late. Wendy stood up and sobbed, "I-I was r-right! I've m-made a terrible m-mistake!" Bebe tried to pull Wendy back, but the tearful girl pushed her away, "I've g-got to go a-apologize!"

She set off back towards the field. The second she was round the corner, Bebe slapped Clyde's arm, "You fucking idiot! Look at what you've done!"

Clyde cowered, "I was just trying to help!"

"Well, didn't that go fucking fantastic?"

"I'm sorry!"

Craig stepped in between them. Bebe lowered her arms, but continued a stone-cold glare towards Clyde. 

"Are any of you guys going to go stop Wendy from completely humiliating herself?" Craig looked directly at Bebe, gesturing to the path back to the field.

Bebe frowned, "It's too late now. When Wendy puts herself to something, she does it. That's why the first few minutes after are the most important." the blonde shoved Clyde, "Thanks, again. You were great, Clyde."

Craig pushed them further apart before Bebe could attack Clyde again, "So? You've at least got to try."

"I can't. If I stop her, she'll be pissed at me then end up taking Stan back anyway."

Disgust filled Craig. What the hell was wrong with people, "Are you kidding me?"

Bebe cast a sorrowful glance towards him, "It's really sweet of you to care this much, but we can't do much now. Besides, Stan won't take her back after that anyway."

"So you're gonna let your already sensitive friend go get rejected by her ex-boyfriend because she's 'already put her mind to it'?"

Clyde shared a worried glance between them. He was glad Bebe was calming down, but the look on Craig's face was murderous.

Bebe faltered, "When you say it like that..." she looked away.

"Craig, I know this is kinda personal, you know, ever since--"

"Shut up. This has nothing to do with that." he pointed at Bebe, "Are you seriously gonna do jackshit, Stevens?"

After a few seconds of silence, Craig sighed, "Fuck this. I'll be back." 

Then before Bebe or Clyde could stop him, Craig dropped his bag and took off racing towards the field.

✧✬✧

"Wendy? _Wendy?_ " Craig scanned the area, Wendy nowhere to be seen. Fuck, was he too late? Why the hell had he spent so much time talking to Bebe? He could already imagine the look on Cartman's face when Wendy began begging Stan for him back. The fucking psychopath.

The look on Wendy's face when Clyde started talking about Stans 'new girlfriend'... God, it had looked so similar to Tricia's. It flashed across Craig's mind, fueling him as he sped up towards the field.

"WENDY!" he screamed, the field finally coming into view. 

_Please be there. Please don't be talking to Stan. Please don't let Cartman be around._

Finally, a pink beret could be seen in the distance, hovering around the field's entrance watching the team file back into the changing room. Relief flushed over Craig, "Wendy!"

She turned back, shock coating her features, "C-Craig? What are y-you doing?"

"Helping." Craig grabbed her wrist, dragging her back to the parking lot.

Momental shock let Craig pull Wendy a solid few feet away, but Wendy quickly snapped out of it, pulling back her wrist, "What the hell?"

"You aren't getting back together with Stan. At least not now."

Wendy's eyes shone with tears. Her lower lip quivered as she replied, "Why n-not? You c-can't stop me; when I p-put my mind to something I-I'm unstoppable!"

Jesus, no wonder Bebe let her go.

Craig reached out, grabbing Wendy's hand, "Don't be stupid."

"Stop!" Wendy pushed Craig away, a single tear falling down her face, "Why d-do you even care? I barely know you!"

He winced. She was right; Craig couldn't remember the last time they'd had a real conversation. Hell, he didn't even know if they had.

"I know. But doesn't that say something? If someone who barely knows you is trying so hard to stop you?"

Wendy paused, going silent. She looked down, staring intently on her new white sneakers, "I guess."

"Wendy, I... I don't know a lot on dating and shit." Craig racked his brain, hoping some secret wisdom would surface forward, "But, I do know that begging for someone back five minutes after breaking up isn't smart."

Craig stared at Wendy as she turned around, hoping his words hadn't caused her to start crying again as Clyde's had.

"I know Bebe isn't doing shit, but take it from me. Don't fucking do it."

Wendy turned back around and frowned.

Fuck. Was that the right thing to say? Craig looked down at Wendy, her face stayed glued to the ground, a cloudy look over her eyes.

"Well, on the other hand-- Stan's kinda pathetic so maybe--"

Craig was cut off as Wendy jumped onto him, arms tightening around him as she deepened the embrace.

"You're right."

Craig stood still, his arms frozen at his sides. This wasn't what he signed up for when he chased Wendy down, but he guessed it was just a package deal. Wendy shifted, and he inhaled, the smell of her shampoo obnoxiously strong. 

She smelt just like Tricia. 

Finally, Craig hugged her back, a genuine smile across his face. "I know."

She leant deeper into Craig's neck, oddly reminding him of when he let Stripe lie on him as he read.

Craig never realised how short Wendy was. It was cute, reminded him of Red before her growth spurt. He really needed to talk to her and Uncle Skeeter more.

"Holy shit! The fags scoring with your ex!"

Wendy fell back, her beret falling down beside her. A few feet away stood Cartman, pointing at laughing at them like it was the funniest shit he'd seen all week.

Knowing him, it probably was.

"No wonder she broke up with you, she was probably banging Craig and his gay little thumb-sized dick!"

Craig flipped him off.

Kyle glared at Cartman, "Shut up, asshole!"

"You shut up, dirty jew!"

"That's my @ bitch, thanks for the promo."

Cartman let out a cry of anger, lunging at Kyle as they scrabbled on the ground. Stan stood behind them, staring ahead at Wendy with a blank stare. Kenny, instead of his usual devious laughter, stared at Craig the same way Stan did.

Shit, forgot Kenny was a stalker. 

"Bebe and Clyde are waiting for us. Let's go." Craig extended his hand, helping up Wendy as Kyle pushed Cartman off of him.

"God damnit, fatass! You nearly broke my wrist!"

"Not saying much, you fucking tampon." Kyle went red and raised his hands towards Cartman again, but Stan stopped him. The noirette placed a hand on Kyle's shoulder, mumbling something under his breath. The pair spared a single glance at Craig and Wendy, before dragging Cartman and Kenny away. 

Craig heard a sniffle behind him, and realised if he didn't get Wendy back to Bebe soon, everything he had said would be flushed away. Thankfully, Bebe and Clyde ran up five seconds later. Wendy and Bebe ran to each other, the blonde whispering into Wendy's ear in between glares at Clyde.

"C'mon, Weds. Let's get you out of here." the girls said their farewells [mostly towards Craig] left back to the parking lot. 

When the car park finally emptied, ad the dust settled, Craig finally spoke.

He turned to Clyde, "You nearly fucked everything up there."

"I said sorry!" Clyde fell back onto Craig. He couldn't be sure if Clyde was actually going to cry, but didn't want to risk it, "I was trying to help!"

"Yeah, I know. It's ok, you did you're best."

"But my best wasn't good enough," Clyde turned back to Craig, "You were pretty cool though. Left some alone time for me and Bebe, too." 

Craig scoffed, "Doubt the alone time was any good seeing how pissed she was."

"Eh. I'll take what I can get." Clyde punched Craig's arm, "Seriously, you were pretty cool."

"It's nothing."

"No, it isn't. I couldn't have done that,"

Heat rushed to Craig's cheeks. Clyde's sudden sincerity was a surprise to be sure, but definitely a welcome one. Craig grinned, unashamed as he and Clyde starting walking away from the field.

"Thanks."

"It's true! What you did, I literally couldn't have done." Dread started to form in Craig's stomach. He paused in place, raising an eyebrow at his companion, "I mean, Wendy's a girl and needed to talk about, y'know, boyfriend troubles and shit..."

Oh. Nevermind then.

"Fuck off, Clyde."

"Because you're gay."

"Seriously. Fuck off."


	6. Catch A Grenade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bleary-eyed, he gazed out, eyes slowly focusing on a dark figure on his front lawn.
> 
> He sighed, "Fuck me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey bb's!! i hope you guys enjoy this update-- the story is developing ever so slightly ;)) anyway,, i'm thinking of kipping next months update to go back and *RE-edit* the previous chapters. i've realised that i'm jut not putting out my best work, and the story has changed and flucutted a LOT since posting the first chapter that some details just,,, don't make sense anymore. but it would only be one update, and you'd be getting a bunch of smaller updates [technically :P] anyway: enjoy this chapter :))

Imagine this: You've just had a super shitty day at school.

First, you missed the bus to school. You ruined your favourite socks from walking in the snow then flunked your English test, got detention yet _again_ , and wasn't even told why. You were then forced to babysit your dick of a best friend after school, had to prevent two people from possible getting back together-- 

Oh, and to top it all off, did this all while avoiding some man-whore who recently became obsessed with you.

If this _bullshit_ happened to you, you'd expect to at least be given a good nights rest.

So if you were woken up at 2 AM by some stupid cheesy love song, you'd be pissed, right?

Right.

Thankfully, Craig wasn't pissed.

He was _furious_.

_Gave you all I had and you tossed it in the trash_   
_You tossed it in the trash, you did_   
_To give me all your love is all I ever asked 'cause_   
_What you don't understand is I'd catch a grenade for ya_

Craig clenched his jaw, gripping the pillow over his ears even tighter than before. 

Typical. Fucking, typical. All Craig wanted was to fall asleep and rest before having to deal with the shithole that was South Park High, but he couldn't even get that!

_Oh oh, I would go through all this pain_   
_Take a bullet straight through my brain_   
_Yes, I would die for ya baby_   
_But you won't do the same_

Jesus Christ. Where the fuck was that music even coming from? Craig threw his pillow across the room, flinching as Stripe flinched in his cage.

"Shit, sorry Stri--"

_But darling I'll still catch a grenade for ya_

A door slammed open, moments later Tricia barged her way into Craig's room, "Craig! Go tell your friend to shut the fuck up!"

Craig blinked at her, "What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Your new boyfriend! He's out on the front lawn, stupid!"

Tricia staggered out the room, slamming the door on her way out. 

The tall boy pushed himself off his bed, stumbling towards his window. Bleary-eyed, he gazed out, eyes slowly focusing on a dark figure on his front lawn.

He sighed, "Fuck me."

Stan Marsh wobbled uncertainly, arms high as he held up a Bluetooth speaker. 

Craig snatched a pair of sweatpants and struggled down the stairs, bumping into the walls as he slipped them on.

The air outside was cold, much colder than it had been in the day, but Craig had a fire burning within him keeping him warm. Full unadulterated rage that turned his cheeks red and veins throbbing.

He hadn't just woken up Craig, he woke up Stripe. You didn't mess with a guys guinea pig.

Oh, and Tricia. Stan woke her up too.

"What the fuck are you doing?"

Stan dropped the speaker onto the snow, slowly turning to Craig, "Wendy?"

"Do I look like Wendy?"

Stan stood still [or as still as a highly drunk teen could] then glared. He stumbled forward, waving his fists at the brunette. "Why the _fuck_ are you at Wendy's house?" he slurred.

Craig dodged his first punch, but was hit in the chest right after. He shoved him back, only angering Stan more. "Trying to steal my girl?" He lunged forward, the pair both fell to the ground as Stan sloppily attacked Craig.

He slapped Craig across the face. Then again. It was kind of pitiful how weak the star quarterback became when drunk, and Craig might've laughed if it wasn't followed up with a solid hit to his eye.

Shit, that was going to leave a bruise.

"Get off me, Marsh."

"Fuck you!" the boys wrestled on the ground, Stan barely leaving a mark on Craig in his current stake. Craig finally shoved him off, stepping back as Stan flailed on the ground.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm winning back Wendy," he whined. Stans words were jumbled, slurred as he pushed himself up, 

"Then why are you at my house?"

"This is Wendy's house!"

"No. It's my house."

"What? No- This is... This..." Stan looked up and rubbed his eyes, head lolling back and forth. He looked back up to the house, then at Wendy's house a few doors down, "...Shit."

"Yeah, 'shit'." 

It was a pathetic sight, seeing a drunken Stan motion back and forth as the reality of what had happened set in. Craig scoffed, turning his back and making his way back to his front door, "Thanks for waking me, Marsh. I'm going back to sleep."

"Wait!" Stan fell forward, grabbing Craig's ankle, "You still made a move on her today, bitch!"

"No, I didn't."

"You fucking did!" Craig tried to step forward, but Stan's grip was too strong and he ended up being dragged forward with him.

Craig tried to kick him off, but Stan held strong. "Bro code, dude!"

"I'm gay, you fucking idiot!"

Stan froze, loosening his grip on Craig. He took advantage of this, immediately kicking him away and stepping back, "Oh, yeah."

"Are you kidding me?"

"Shit, sorry Craig."

Craig simply scoffed and turned away. He was _soooo_ ready to get back in his bed and finally fall asleep, but a choked sob stopped him cold.

When he turned back around, Stan lay fetal position, soft sobs racking his body. Awkwardly, Craig walked back and stared down at him. Tears streaked down Stan's cheeks, mouth pressed into a thin line.

Fuck fuck fuck. Uh...

"You... You ok?"

Stans wails got louder. Craig looked back up, hoping he hadn't woken Tricia up again. Below him, Stan rolled over, shakily reaching out for his discarded beer bottle. 

Craig grabbed it and held it high over his head, "No more alcohol for you. C'mon, I'll sober you up."

He reached down and lifted Stan up, heaving Stan's arm over his shoulder. They stumbled to the door together. Once inside, Craig dropped him onto the couch, a small 'oof' from Stan as he landed.

Craig got a glass of water from the kitchen. Back in the living room, Stan sobbed over Caigs couch cushion, staining the fabric with his tears and snot.

Craig cringed, he was going to have to clean that up, "Here, drink this."

Stan gratefully accepted the glass, gulping it down in one go. He placed it down onto Craig's coffee table, water dripping down his face.

"Thanks."

"No problem." Craig reached down, patting down his sweats, "Shit, I left my phone upstairs."

Stan clumsily fumbled with his pants, nearly throwing his phone at Craig when he finally found it, "Use mine."

It was already unlocked, thankfully, and Craig scrolled through Stans contacts. When he found 'SBF kylez', he called the number and held it up to his ear.

"Who are you calling?" slurred Stan, his drunkness apparently returning.

Craig glanced back at the noirette, "Someone." He felt a little guilty waking someone else up in the middle of the night, but Craig was fucking exhausted. Too pissed off at being woken himself to offer the same respect to someone else.

Stan fell forward slapping the phone out of Craig's hand. It skids across the floor, the screen thankfully undamaged, "What the hell?"

"No! Don't call anyone!"

"Why not?"

Tears pricked Stans eyes, "Because I'm _druuuuuunk!_ " he sobbed, collapsing back onto the couch.

"Jesus, Marsh." Craig sat down beside him, awkwardly wrapping an arm around his shoulder, "I'm just calling Kyle. He's your... your 'Super Best Friend' or something, right?

Stan immediately lightened up, "Kyle! I love Kyle! He's my Super Best Friend!"

Jesus. Craig was not in the mood for this. The image of his bed becoming more and more tempting as time went on. He went to get another glass of water for the quarterback, but a muffled voice across the room stopped him cold.

_"Hello? Stan?"_

"Shit," mumbled Craig. He swiped the phone off the ground, "Kyle?"

Silence came from the line, until an unfortunately familiar voice replied, _"Craigers?"_

Shit. Was God trying to mess with Craig tonight? "Kenny?" 

_"Damn, you move fast. No wonder you stopped Wendy from talking to him."_

"Fuck off. Why do you have Kyle's phone?"

_"Why do you have Stans?"_

Craig groaned, "I need to talk to Kyle; where is he?"

_"Fuck you, Kahl!"_ Cartman's voice echoed in the background, _"Let me go, you fucking ginger!"_

The audio became muffled as Kenny presumably placed the phone down. Craig listened in as Kenny and Kyle shouted at the fatass, an occasional 'THUMP' whenever Cartman 'tried to break free'.

_"You're just jealous I was going to score epic pus and you'd be too busy licking each other's stinky balls-- FUCK!"_

Great. Just great. All he wanted was a good night's fucking rest, but instead, he was trapped babysitting a drunk Stan Marsh and listening to Cartman be a pussy. Fuck it, Stan would just have to sleep on the couch. "I'm hanging up." 

_"Wait-- No!"_ Kenny picked up the phone again, _"Shit, sorry. What were you saying?"_

"Come pick up Stan."

_"Oh, so you and Stan_ were _doing eac-"_

"I'm hanging up."

_"Kidding, kidding! I'll be there in five-- ...you can handle him on your own! ...fuck you! ... no, dude c'mon, ...ok, ok! See you in five, Craigers."_ The phone went silent before Craig could speak. A sense of dread crawled up Craig's back, suddenly very aware that Kenny-the-stalker-McCormick would be coming to his house at 3 AM.

"Shit."

"Did I tell you about Kyle yet?" Stan hiccuped on the couch, "He's really cool. And handsome."

Craig scoffed. He shoved Stan aside and rested on the couch's arm, "I bet."

"Uh-huh! He's so fucking, fucking... uh... Oh, yeah! He's fucking nice! Supah Best Frendo, woo!"

"Maybe you should have dated him instead, then."

"Date Kyle? No! I'm dating Wendy, why would I... I..."

Oh shit. Stan's face cringed up, tears threatening to fall down his face again, "Wendy, she-- she--"

"Marsh, it's ok. Please don't start crying again."

Craig's words fell on deaf ears as Stan burst into tears once again. "Wendy!" he sobbed into his hands. 

Craig sat still, what the hell was he supposed to do? He searched the room, hoping some magical object, would appear to help.

Sadly, no magical object was found. Instead, Craig heard a knock at the door. He promised Stan he'd be back, then practically sprinted to his door, slamming it open.

"He's on the couch." Craig stood back as Kenny sped towards the crying boy, heaving his arm over his shoulder.

Unluckily, Stan was a solid 6ft, with Kenny only 5ft7. The second Stans arm was flung over his shoulder, Kenny stumbled back, knocking him and Stan back onto the couch.

Craig sighed. He'd already done more than enough. Honestly, he didn't know why he wasn't currently in bed now that Stan was Kenny's problem. 

Stan groaned as he was once again dropped onto the couch, a bead of sweat forming between Kenny's brow.

"I'll help." Craig stepped forward, and Kenny offered a surprisingly genuine smile. 

Together, they hauled Stan to his feet, dragging him out to Kenny's shitty maroon Nissan.

Getting Stan into the front seat was easier said than done; he refused to go anywhere near the car [Craig couldn't blame him, it looked like it was about to fall apart any second now] and even when Craig told him he was going home, he begged for Kyle to come pick him up. 

It was only when Kenny pushed him inside and locked the doors did Stan finally relax, then promptly fell asleep against the dashboard.

Craig tentatively pressed a hand to his eye, hissing in pain. He wondered how he'd explain this to anyone, _'You know Stan? Yeah, star quarterback? Wendy's ex? Stupid fucking drunken idiot? Yeah, he came to my house at 2 AM and we fought on my front lawn. Yeah, no big deal.'_

He could already see the look on Clyde's face.

"Sorry about this, by the way."

He looked over at Kenny. The blonde wasn't wearing his signature parka, instead wearing a regular white shirt and basketball shorts. From the way he was shivering, Craig bet he hadn't even remembered to turn on his cars heating before coming here.

He wouldn't be surprised if the heating didn't even work.

"What?"

"About Stan waking you up and shit."

Craig scoffed, "Doesn't take away the fact I've been babysitting him for an hour now and still have school tomorrow."

Kenny laughed, and Craig nearly fell over himself from shock. 

"Hey... I just wanted to say sorry about what I said."

Craig raised an eyebrow at him.

"In the music room about Tweek. I didn't know it would affect you so badly."

"It didn't affect me!" Kenny gave a knowing glance, "Ok, It affected me a little. I was just pissed none of the guys defended him, though. So you're off the hook."

Craig became suddenly aware of how cold he was without his precious jacket, his sweats barely keeping in heat. Kenny must be freezing with just his sports shorts and shirt.

"Good to know. But," Kenny sidled up to Craig, placing a suggestive hand on his chest, "There must be something I can do to make it up to you?"

"Fuck off." Craig slapped his hand off, getting another laugh from the blonde. Memories of their phone call swam in Craig's mind, a suspicious glare overtaking his harsher one, "What the hell were you and Kyle doing to Cartman?"

Kenny froze. He placed a hand on his neck, a sheepish smile on his face, "That was nothing."

"Bullshit. I just had to deal with your leader, I should at least know why the fuck he wasn't with you guys."

He was silent for a while, but eventually broke out into a grin, "Ok, but don't go telling your boyfriends." He barely dodged Craigs punch, "Stan was with us. We were supposed to be having a 'guys night' to distract him, but he just wasn't in the mood. So we went back to Cartman's house and just hung out in his basement."

"You guys brought Cartman to make Stan feel better?"

"Smart, right?" Craig rolled his eyes, but stayed silent. "Stan got smashed. More than I've ever seen him drink before, so Kyle and I left to get some panadol for him, but when we went back downstairs he was fucking gone!"

"How the fuck did you lose him?"

"Cartman snuck him out! He gave him Kyle's speaker and another beer, too, the fucking asshole."

Inside, Stan's head rolled off the dashboard and onto the driver's seat. He groaned, but otherwise continued to sleep peacefully. 

"So that's why you were torturing Cartman?"

"Nah. He was gonna go make a move on Wendy's actual house, so Kyle and I tied him up and force-fed him his moms' new protein shakes."

The image of Cartman being forced to have anything other than fast food was enough to actually make Craig laugh, "And then Stan ended up here?"

"Yup."

They stood silent. Craig watched as Kenny breathed out, a clear outline forming in the cold air.

_I should give him my jacket._

The thought hit Craig square in the chest, and he felt his face heating up on its own accord, "You should get going; you look like you're going to freeze if you stay out any longer."

On queue, Kenny's body shivered and he instinctively wrapped his arms around him. He smiled, then opened the door and got in. 

"Thanks for forgiving me, Craigeth. I kinda thought you hated me for a while."

Craig deadpanned, "I do."

Kenny laughed out loud, eyes wrinkling at their ends, "I love you too, see ya at school!" He slammed the door shut. If Craig hadn't seen Kenny shove Stan away and get into the driver's seat, he would've assumed Stan was driving the car himself. 

The car clumsily backed out, nearly knocking over his neighbours' trash cans, then took off down the road.

Behind him, he heard the front door open and someone step outside.

"Craig? Honey, what are you doing out here?"

He turned around and tried his best to smile, "I was just... Looking at the stars?"

Laura Tucker didn't look amused, "While playing music?"

"That wasn't me."

She huffed, and turned back around, "Fine. Don't leave your speaker on the lawn." She readjusted her robe, then slammed the door shut.

"Speaker? What th--" a 'BEEP' sounded from behind him, the same one that told him his Bluetooth headphones were shutting off.

On the lawn lay Stan's [Kyles?] speaker, still quietly blasting his stupid love song.

"Fuck."


End file.
